a depressing dilemma…

it appears my carefully constructed work façade is starting to crack – i realised that when a colleague commented last week ‘you look okay sharon, but you sound totally disillusioned’… and the only response i could muster – ‘i am’…

at least there's work and life balance - disillusion and depression...

the security of a retreat in malmsbury is fast becoming a pipe dream, a once longed for illusion… after a bad few weeks involving a car accident, an assault and then the death of lucky boy, irene told me last week she's contemplating her future and the possibility of moving - and that move is likely to take her (and my louie) further away, closer to new south wales…

it's a decision that's totally understandable, but nonetheless depressing for me… the sanctuary i’ve been yearning for and which was seemingly so close now looks to be a receding dream… as is reuniting with my louie boy – i'm realistic enough to know he could never live in a flat (nor would it be fair to him - he’s used to being part of a pack, having space and barking a lot these days), and my only option as a city dweller is a flat - the rental on a house being way out of my solo-living, single-income league… that realisation has caused much heartache and many tears…

so now I grapple with possibilities for some sort of housing security as I age – the vagaries of the ever increasing cost and competition of the private rental market, or getting my name onto the community housing waiting list (available to those on low to moderate income with a percentage of 'stock' allocated for those over 55) - that though would entail cutting down a few hours to come within the income threshhold of $738 gross per week (as opposed to public housing which has a lower income threshhold) - i earn $683 per week net but then there's the compulsory weekend work for us lower banded workers… unfortunately it could take months or even years to be offered something – and that would mean trying to survive in private rental on even less income until an offer was made (which i could just afford staying here assuming they renew the lease and don't put the rent up!)… if the lease isn't renewed or the rent hike is massive (they didn't raise the rent last year so chances are there'll be a hike this year!!!) i'm fucked...

a dilemma indeed…

depression and disillusionment – a good start to a new year… and such a frugal few weeks it’s been to boot – with more frugality to come…

such a downer of a first post nearly a month into 2011 hey... while i wallow in self-pity i'll leave you with a favourite song... flame trees - sadly the co-writer and drummer of cold chisel – steve prestwich - died last week at the age of 56 (which is how old i’ll be in 3 months) – it has long been my very favourite chisels song...

a 'decadent' day...

yay – i’ve got absolutely nothing planned today!!!

the weekend’s been quite busy… had to do some shopping for me mother on saturday morning 'cause she didn’t feel up to getting down the street – she’s having bad effects from one of the medications she’s been on - spiriva for her copd - chronic obstructive pulmonary disease – knocks her about for most of the day, and on reading the information that came with it apparently people with kidney disease and glaucoma maybe shouldn’t take it – she has both of those 'conditions' as well – way to go alfred hospital renal department – now that sounds competent!!! i spoke to her this morning though and she's rejigged when she takes this one until she goes for a check up next week and was feeling much better...

here's a photo of me mum with me brother at 5 months (big fucker wasn't he!! - i need to record my mother telling her story about his birth - it's priceless!!!) - that would make it june 1952... and i thought i'd 'throw in' one of her mum with their beautiful spaniel honey - that would have been in the very late 50s or early 60s because i remember honey and recognise the house in highett where they were living at the time - although it looks like there's another dog (that looks very much like my allie) on the verandah - but i don't remember them having 2 dogs at the one time...

talking of allie, my beautiful old incontinent girl keeps me busy – I’m forever mopping up piss and washing towels!!! a small ‘price’ really for her years of companionship, love and loyalty – but it can get you down sometimes – but there is only limited time for depression and self-pity – coming from a working-class background of battlers and survivors I learnt early that you just have to ‘pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get on with life' – until the next crisis anyway... and of course there's shadow too - he has needs and demands on my time as well!!!

the malmsbury mob came down saturday evening and stayed the night - it’s always pleasurable to have irene and the gang visit – i get to see my louie boy… we laughed, smoked and enjoyed the poodles antics…i made us a yummy pasta that we had with some beautiful sourdough bread...

the contract for the land is being signed this week so we’ll know when settlement will be at that point – either 30 or 60 days - and then we’ll be able to move ahead with the ‘retreat’ design and plans… we’re still ‘umm-ing and ahh-ing’ about which design and company to go with but i’m really excited about it - it’ll be new, and it’ll be my home!!!!

sunday morning meant a run over at the leash free park for the poodles – where we met montgomery the beautiful cinnamon coloured standard poodle – and did he love meeting up with the poodle pack – poodles just love other poodles no matter their size!!!! then we met and cried with another womon who had recently lost her old dog, her companion of 15 years, to cancer – but she had just rescued a wee little terrier cross so we shed a few tears of happiness for the lucky little girl!!! a weepy start to the day - you just never know what a walk to the park will unveil!!!

time for the gang to go home then and me to psyche myself up and get ready for work – at least I only had to go to AP so the shift was only 3 ¾ hours – and it turned out to be a nice cruisy shift this weekend (unlike last Sunday!!!) so we got pretty much all of the shelving done – now that doesn’t happen very often these days!!!

so here it is monday morning - i’m blogging, having a smoke and thinking about making some decadent chocolate truffles or rum balls (recipes below) before i relax with either a movie or a book – haven’t decided yet… but that’s not until after I do some ‘domestic shit’ - after that sheer decadence is the order of the day!!!

Decadent chocolate truffles

• 1 x 8 ounce container nondairy cream cheese
• 3 cups confectioners' sugar
• 3 cups nondairy semisweet or dark chocolate chips (or any high-quality chocolate), melted
• 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• Ingredients for coating truffles (see below)

In the large bowl of a food processor, beat cream cheese until smooth. Add confectioners' sugar, 1 cup at a time, until well blended. Add melted chocolate and vanilla and stir until thoroughly combined.

Cover and refrigerate for at least 1 hour or as long as overnight. The longer you refrigerate the batter, the easier it will be to roll into perfect balls. However, it will definitely require elbow grease to scoop them out.

Shape into 1-inch balls. Refrigerate again if the batter is too soft, especially if your kitchen is warm. Use a strong spoon or melon baller to create uniform sizes.

Once rolled, either send balls back to fridge or coat in any of the following:

• Finely ground nuts (pecans, hazelnuts, walnuts, almonds)
• Sifted cocoa powder
• Toasted or raw coconut
• Sifted confectioners' sugar

• To create a hard chocolate shell, refrigerate rolled truffle balls for at least 30 minutes (longer is fine, too). Melt some nondairy chocolate, either a good quality chocolate bar or chocolate chips, and dip each ball into the chocolate. Return to the refrigerator and let set for at least 1 hour.

Rum Balls

60g dairy-free margarine

2 tbsp treacle (i might use agave syrup)
60g brown sugar
1 tbsp cocoa
1 tbsp rum (or other liqueur)
2 tbsp almond meal
1 cup mixed chopped dates or fruits of choice
1 cup chopped mixed nuts


place margarine, treacle (or alternative) and sugar in saucepan and slowly bring to boil. Remove from heat and stir in remaining incredients. mix well, cool and roll into balls. roll in favourite coating.

nothing left to do but eat and enjoy!!!!

and here's an evening update...

it's 6.15 and this is a picture of the decadent chocolate truffles i made earlier this afternoon!!!

i halved the truffle recipe above, added chopped nuts to the mixture, rolled some in cocoa and some in crushed nuts - i got 14 truffles - they're decadent and oh so yummy - allie gives them the seal of approval too!!!!!

short and sweet....

finally some relaxing, quiet, alone time to blog...

my new year’s eve was very pleasant indeed - irene picked me up after work and we had a leisurely drive up to kyneton for a visit to my niece Rebbecca’s place – she’s got a new companion so i got to meet him – it was good to catch up with her (and Matthew and her cute wee ‘fur-kids’) - she had a few people around to celebrate the new year but once the partner started cookin’ animal flesh on the barbie and the stench became overpowering (made worse by the barbecue being under the verandah to avoid being rained on) it was time for us to say goodbye and continue on to Malmsbury before a really major storm hit... we just made it – thunder, lightning, gi-normous hail – it was quite spectacular...

and here we are once we got there and settled into 'comfy mode' - the gang are just waitin’ for me to share some more munchies with them (although my boy thinks a pat is just as good sometimes)... and it never seems to matter how many humans are around because of course all 4 gather around the one person to get something – that’s eight eyes just staring at you – and 4 poodles drooling!!!

we did see the new year in - us oldies have still got the stamina!!!!... but we had a really slack one the following day - spent part of the day watching 'east of eden' - well, 5 hours of it off and on anyway - ya just get drawn in - and anyway  it was raining most of the day - but the sun finally appeared in the late afternoon so we did at least get some photos of the land for sale before it was time to come back to melbourne - you can see them in the sidebar - know anyone who's looking for a tree-change or quiet weekends away from the hustle and bustle of city life???

well, we’re into the 2nd week of the new year now and 2010 seems to be shaping up alright... although i did work last saturday, and today, and next sunday i’m doin’ an all-dayer - far out, 3 weekends in a row - yuck - hope it's not a 'stinker'  next weekend, that would be okay for me because i'll be in air-conditioning, but i'd rather be home with me old girl so i can have the fan on for her!!!... i’m having a week off at the end of January though - i'm hangin' out for that...

and talking about work - what is it with all the returns at the moment??? it was like the bottomless bin today - and that was at albert park!!!! definitely is ‘that time of year’ hey...

alas my alone time has just come to an abrupt end, but hopefully i'll get to blog in-depth over the next couple of days...

another step closer...

the compliance certificate for the plumbing and sewerage works is got – the paperwork has exchanged hands... it’s now 'full steam ahead' for irene to be able to sell the land at Malmsbury... it's been valued at $100,000 - it's in a superb spot - as they say 'location, location, location'!! - it's fully serviced and fenced on three boundaries - it's 5 mins from the train station and the shops - it's in a street that has no traffic because it goes nowhere and there are only a couple of houses - and if you're artistically inclined, it's in the 'heart' of a burgeoning 'artists' colony' - it'll be advertised online in the next couple of weeks - i'm going there new years eve and we'll be working on the ad and taking photos - they'll be online new years day hopefully... and for me it means i'm one step closer to reuniting with my wee louie boy (and that'll be good for irene - one less dog to have to share her bed with - he's the smallest, but he takes up the most room!!!!) - getting my own space out of the city (and escaping the claustrophobic horror of flat-dwelling) - it will be my home, my retreat, my sanctuary – and security for old(er) age... (the top pic is of the malmsbury mill - right opposite the block - and the bottom is the 'older persons retreat' being considered - similar in style to the existing house, in the right price range and perfect for the spot chosen...)

it also means peace of mind and a sense of safety from the ever expanding tourist and pub area encroaching on my home and (fast disappearing) comfort zone for so many decades (i was 'born'n bred' in st. kilda but it's a different 'world' now)... there's that ever present undercurrent of anger, hostility and violence... very noticeable last night when irene and the gang came for a visit and we decided to go for a lovely, leisurely stroll around the streets - and they are beautiful streets to wander - so many amazing old buildings and houses and such wide, green streets - it was about 9 pm and there was just something unnerving about the groups of young people (mostly male) just hanging around the streets drinking - so many groups, so much booze, so much ego and testosterone - a volatile combination - a time bomb waiting to happen...

there’s also the on-going ‘gentrification’ of st. kilda which has forced so many of the long time residents and lifeblood of the area further and further into obscurity if not oblivion with the cost of rental accommodation being so very expensive... take this house for example - it's a single fronted, 1 of 4 (not even semi-detached) 3 bedroom townhouse being advertised around the corner in cowderoy street for $690 per week ($2,998 per month!!!!) yeah, ordinary people can really afford that!!!!

anyway, in case you're not aware, it's the longest day today - the southern hemisphere summer solstice - or midsummer, or lithia - there are so many ancient cultures that celebrated these astrological events... so many interpretations and varying beliefs - and of course it was something else the christian invasion could exploit, claim and change...

"The Summer Solstice was incorporated into the Christian calendar during the spread of Christianity, and like so many of the old festivals, was given new meaning which was considered less Paganistic and more suited to the Christian festival. The Summer Solstice became the feast day of 'St. John the Baptist'.

Several hundred years ago, across Europe, healers were usually women who carried out healing using a mixture of herbs. Hildegard of Bingen put together a book recording many of these herbs and what they could be used for. In time, it became the foundation of herbalism and medicine in the western world. Shortly after its' publication, the Spanish Inquisition was established and it is believed over nine-million women were persecuted and then executed for what was termed as the practice of witchcraft. Witchcraft at this time had many definitions, one of which was "The knowledge and practice of the traditional ways of healing".

The connection of herbs and healing to witchcraft is that many of the herbs used for healing were believed to hold more healing power if they were gathered at significant times of the year such as Summer Solstice. During this time, it is believed by some, the feminine earth energies are at their most powerful. " (read more at the mystical world wide web)

and while i'm talking 'this time of the year' - if you have the need for 'last minute' gifts, why not make a donation to petrescue in someone's name, or victorian dog rescue - a donation would be greatly appreciated from any of the myriad animal rescue agencies.. maybe donate to help feed a rescued farm animal through animal liberation or "help bring emergency vet care to abandoned and neglected pets, new life for orphaned bear cubs or an end to the cruel hunting of seal pups" through ifaw or help wspa build a sanctuary for bears in pakistan, survivors of the barbaric "sport" of bear baiting - fuck, there are just so many animals and agencies needing help - how about purchasing the puppy mill documentary about the changing face of our relationship with dogs - i watched it today - it's thought provoking, heart-wrenching and informative - people need to start acknowledging the cruelty behind the pet shop puppies and take a stand, at least by getting the message out there and making others aware it's happening, otherwise the industry continues - it's extremely interesting and does show the positive action some ethical pet suppliers have instigated in america to 'thwart' the profit-at-any-cost and totally inhumane industry (australia is lagging behind but there are some ethical independent suppliers here taking their own stand) - it's well worth giving to someone as a gift... maybe you'd prefer to buy a toilet or a water supply for a village here...

HAPPY, PEACEFUL SUMMER SOLSTICE

malmsbury musings...

it's a pretty town is malmsbury... you may have passed through it on your way to bendigo or one of the other close by towns - daylesford or castlemaine perhaps - or you may even have missed it by blinking - or you may never even have heard of it - since the bypass was opened it's mostly 'local traffic' that passes through these days...

i visited overnight a fortnight ago and stayed at irene's - i figured i could trust darrell to watch the gang while i spent some time with my wee loudle boy... he does treat her well - he's actually awed at her ability to still get around being blind and deaf - she amazes him and he's very good to both her and the shadow lad...

it was a lovely (albeit very short) break from my day to day routine (especially the cleaning up wee part)... lovely once i arrived anyway - the trains only ran to sunbury this particular day and then we had to road coach it from there... now that takes a lot longer... usually a very commutable hour and a quarter trip became a two and a half hour ordeal - i really don't like coaches - a tad claustrophobic... so it was really good to arrive at the station and get off that bus!!!!

irene and i decided to go out for dinner, so we went to 'the stables' - it's only open friday and saturday evenings and they make yummy wood fired pizza - lots of vegie options... as the name suggests, it's an old renovated stables with a lovely rustic interior and a really comfortable and relaxed atmosphere - there's a welcoming treed courtyard with tables - unfortunately it was raining the evening we were there so outside wasn't the place to be... it was a very enjoyable evening though... we went home sated and just veg'd out with the poodles...

it's lovely sitting out on irene's back porch... it overlooks "the mill" - built in 1861 as a malt mill - now classified by the national trust, it houses a restaurant, gallery, studio and function centre - actually irene's getting ready to sell the back 1/4 acre of her property which faces on to this lovely landmark - a buyer's dream hopefully - it would be grouse to know that your view will always be beautiful because it can't be developed - i'd love to buy it but alas i have no assets or money - relationship crap years ago (yeah, what else - same old, same old!!!) left me with no alternative to bankruptcy - i lost everything that meant anything to me - my home, my dream (and soooo much more that i'm still unable to talk about without tears, regrets and depression so i won't go there)... you would have thought i'd have learnt then, but wisdom's a long time coming - anyway what's done is done so there's no point looking backwards...

... suffice to say an 'older persons retreat' will do me nicely in her lovely treed yard - there's a pretty spot earmarked for my cottage... once the land sells that is - hopefully it will get snapped up quickly... it has so much going for it... it's 5 minutes walk to the malmsbury station and just up the hill from the bakery, the general store, a winery, surrounded by amazing bluestone buildings... very well located actually... but there's more - arts and crafts stores, a hotel, antiques... fingers crossed...

ooh, did i mention that positioned between the shops and irene's place are the magnificent botanical gardens... i came across a blog with some grouse photos of the gardens right here.

all this within walking distance - and, if you know them, Mike & Linda are within 'cooee' as well - their 'country residence' is just down the road on the other side of the hill - just past the shops...

do you know anyone interested in a beautiful 1/4 acre block with a wonderful outlook??

but my poor louie's having a bit of a hard time at the moment... irene's been having a hard time with all the gang... three out of the four of them have had bad 'hot spots' (lucky boy managed to miss out - lucky in name, lucky in life!!) - they all got clipped by a 'new' person who did a wonderful clipping job - hopefully it's just coincidental - after all it's a bad flea time at the moment - allie and shadow haven't been immune here in the city either!! - but my poor wee loudie-dude has suffered the most - he already has sensitive skin and he's a real scratcher so it's taking longer for his to heal... and he is a sook - a wee neurotic boy really (but he's had a hard life - and he's had to adapt to a lot of change - he loved having me to himself the night i stayed - he didn't have to compete to share the human with 3 other dogs - mind you, the others enjoyed one less to share irene and their bed with too!!)... and it's not fair on irene either - when you've already got 3 dogs another one makes it so much harder - so many to deal with when it's bath time, flea-ing time, dinner time, medicine time, etc. etc. - even harder considering chronic ill health is part of her life, and she works, and has to cope with a 16 yo moody male teenager - the grandson!!!!

here's some photos of my cute wee fella i took a few weeks ago...

i'm going to do some reading and domestic stuff now... but i've been listening to alice russell lately so i'll leave you with some of her music... enjoy...