it's been a hard journey....

it's hard to believe the changes that have happened in my life in such a short time... was it just a few weeks ago that shit happened and I ended up with black eyes??? that was definitely the catalyst to my understanding that I could no longer live with that volatility in our relationship any longer...

and fuck it's been hard... so much shit - loss - depression - stress - heartache - anger - expense (I'm in so much debt!!!!)... I've cried a lot - I've been blamed for everything - I've wallowed in self-pity - I've ached for what once was - I've missed Brann desperately - I've also hated him with a passion, especially his constant blaming of me and his refusal to accept any share of responsibility for the 'end' of 'us' (foolish me, of course - alcoholism has never affected a relationship has it!!!??)... I asked once if friendship could survive when love had gone - sadly, it doesn't look like it...

but luckily I've had incredibly caring people around me - the support, love and encouragement I've gotten has been overwhelming and I'm starting to get out of the 'mire' and get things together finally... things are settling down, the flat is starting to feel a semblance of comfortable - don't know if it'll ever feel like 'home' after the crap that went on with the neighbours from hell so early into tenancy... will finally get rid of depressing, horrid orange holland blinds this week when maroon venetians arrive - yay, that'll make sitting inside a little bit nicer - and did some work in the courtyard at the weekend, 'with a little help from my friends' - it's starting to take shape...

don't know how I would have survived without Irene, and then there's been me mum and even me brother, and of course Alistair and Katherine - such generosity, caring and warmth...

I miss my Lou-dude heaps, but saw him yesterday - he's lovin' the country, loves his country-cousins and Irene - but he loves coming to visit for the extra cuddles I give him (after all, he's got 3 other poodles to compete with in the country!!!!) - but he's only boarding - one day he'll be back with me...





Allie and Shadow are settling into their new surroundings... the old girl is coping okay - and the boy finally got outside so he's not so agitated.





There's no photos yet - I'll take some when the place is 'mine' - blinds in, courtyard looking cosy... but that won't take too long now... it's getting there...



ooooh, and before I call it quits here... Irene and I needed some comfort food so we went to Chocolateria San Churro in St Kilda at the weekend... they do the best Churros I've tasted... delicious - I highly recommend it... looks like it'll become a favourite 'haunt' when she brings the gang to visit - that'll have to be often for us to get through their menu!!!! ahhh, a little bit of chocolate decadence is so very therapeutic!!!!!



can't wait to try the tapas!!!!! and the fondue... and if you feel like being decadent at home in comfort, check out some of their recipes here!!!!!





and on that note, i'll say ciao for now... and maybe shed a few more tears ...

decent, affordable housing - it's a right, not a privilege...

but you'd never know it by the exorbitant rents that desperate people are burdened with... I've seen some incredibly disgusting places in the last couple of weeks... i've been traipsing around everywhere and being totally disheartened and depressed by what i've seen... and horrified at the prices being extorted from people...

i didn't get the pet-friendly house i applied for... saw another pet-friendly 'apartment' - apparently that's the new terminology for tiny living space - I wouldn't have gotten much of my furniture in that... so have had to make a heart-wrenching decision for my Loudle boy to 'board' in the country with his poodle cousins and Irene... I know he'll love it though - and at least I'll see him regularly and I'll know he's being loved and pampered... and he'll have space to run around, and 3 friends - Lucky, Harry and the wee (but growing fast) Gigi (aka Bamboura)... i shed quite a few tears coming to terms with that...

I've seen some real grot-holes... I can't believe the contempt agents have for prospective tenants... the crap they let people view... the last place I saw had me dry-retching all the way home - it was putrid - the bathroom was disgustingly dirty - you would never have had a bath in it - all the enamel was peeling off so it just looked like a rust bucket... kitchen was even worse - filthy to say the least - unhygienic no doubt - everything stank... and the so-called 'compact courtyard' was the size of a postage stamp cut on the diagonal - even the fence surrounding that was falling down... how do people live like that - I'm by no means a clean freak, but their hygiene standards were obviously non-existent!!!! and they dare to say no animals allowed - they're far cleaner than what i experienced!!!!

I finally found something though - quite a spacious one bedroom flat with large lounge (and hopefully my dining table will fit), separate kitchen, clean bathroom and good sized courtyard for my old girl... have had to go down the track of lying about having pets - otherwise i would never have gotten anything... but the old girl no longer barks - no-one will ever know she's there - and it will be a good space for her with the courtyard off the loungeroom...

I sign all the paperwork on monday, but it's not 'mine' until the 5th June... and of course then I will get to see what problems may have been hiding under the current tenants furniture... it's horrible looking at places while people are still there - you can't see everything... and the applications these days have a clause saying you agree to take the property as viewed!!!! it's sooooo very competitive - lots of people at most of the inspections - very disheartening...

i don't have to go through that any more... but i can't sleep thinking about the move and wanting to get in and see what i'm going to fit in it... and there's so much else to do before... have decided to move next weekend - this place is open for inspection on the 8th so don't want to be here after that - my whole space will have been invaded and not feel like home anymore... I just won't feel comfortable staying here, but I'll be able to come back during the day to do all the other stuff - cleaning, rubbish removal, doing something with furniture i can't take, etc. etc. - best I organise time off work for the next couple of weeks at least... need to help my old girl get used to the new home - it's going to be the hardest on her, being deaf and blind... she'll need me to help her get to know the layout of the place - it'll actually be a better space for her because it's smaller so there's less places for her to get disoriented in - and she'll love the door to the courtyard being in the lounge - that'll be easier for both of us - it's a long, long trek here for her up to the yard...

anyway, i'm going to finish here and start listing what i need to do, who i need to contact etc. to make it all happen...

it is actually an exciting prospect though - it really is time to move on... i'm looking forward to having my own space (with Allie and Shadow of course!!!) - but nobody else to have to compromise my politics, my beliefs, my ethics for... yes, I'll enjoy that...

as you can see, no 70s post being worked on at the moment... but once i'm in my new home - just maybe...

the search begins....

house-hunting - searching for that perfect but elusive new abode - huh, the reality is most of us just want to find something decent we can actually afford!!!! just the thought of having to move can cause despondency in those of us unfortunate enough to be dependent on the vagaries of the rental market... constantly checking the advertisements, then all that trudging around to view the properties that sound halfway decent - and discovering they're not always what they're 'cracked up' to be!!!!

and if you have companion animals it can be even more disheartening and stressful - hearing the "NO PETS ALLOWED" mantra over and over becomes extremely depressing and frustrating - and I share my life with 2 dogs and a cat - so that's 4 'heads to put a roof over'...




but on the 'up' side... i've got a lovely looking house to see on Tuesday where dogs are actually welcome - so that one's gotta be Allie's & Shadow's & Louie's and mine!!!! but what's going on - another property close by is also being advertised as "Pet friendly" - unheard of, 2 available at the the same time.... a positive sign from 'the universe' perhaps!!!


so many mixed emotions at the moment - up and down like a yo-yo - didn't think I'd be moving from here for a long time, nor did i think i'd be 'going solo'... the thought of leaving the familiar behind and moving on to the unknown can be a tad daunting... things certainly can change 'in the blink of an eye', hey...


but contemplation and sadness are for later... time enough to be maudlin once the house is 'got'!!!!

I came across this painting called "Moving house" by Persian artist Morteza Katouzian - I know exactly how the young girl's feeling - thought it was apt to end my post with.


Back to the 70s sometime soon I hope...