Monday, June 29, 2009

it's been a hard journey....

it's hard to believe the changes that have happened in my life in such a short time... was it just a few weeks ago that shit happened and I ended up with black eyes??? that was definitely the catalyst to my understanding that I could no longer live with that volatility in our relationship any longer...

and fuck it's been hard... so much shit - loss - depression - stress - heartache - anger - expense (I'm in so much debt!!!!)... I've cried a lot - I've been blamed for everything - I've wallowed in self-pity - I've ached for what once was - I've missed Brann desperately - I've also hated him with a passion, especially his constant blaming of me and his refusal to accept any share of responsibility for the 'end' of 'us' (foolish me, of course - alcoholism has never affected a relationship has it!!!??)... I asked once if friendship could survive when love had gone - sadly, it doesn't look like it...

but luckily I've had incredibly caring people around me - the support, love and encouragement I've gotten has been overwhelming and I'm starting to get out of the 'mire' and get things together finally... things are settling down, the flat is starting to feel a semblance of comfortable - don't know if it'll ever feel like 'home' after the crap that went on with the neighbours from hell so early into tenancy... will finally get rid of depressing, horrid orange holland blinds this week when maroon venetians arrive - yay, that'll make sitting inside a little bit nicer - and did some work in the courtyard at the weekend, 'with a little help from my friends' - it's starting to take shape...

don't know how I would have survived without Irene, and then there's been me mum and even me brother, and of course Alistair and Katherine - such generosity, caring and warmth...



I miss my Lou-dude heaps, but saw him yesterday - he's lovin' the country, loves his country-cousins and Irene - but he loves coming to visit for the extra cuddles I give him (after all, he's got 3 other poodles to compete with in the country!!!!) - but he's only boarding - one day he'll be back with me...





Allie and Shadow are settling into their new surroundings... the old girl is coping okay - and the boy finally got outside so he's not so agitated.





There's no photos yet - I'll take some when the place is 'mine' - blinds in, courtyard looking cosy... but that won't take too long now... it's getting there...



ooooh, and before I call it quits here... Irene and I needed some comfort food so we went to Chocolateria San Churro in St Kilda at the weekend... they do the best Churros I've tasted... delicious - I highly recommend it... looks like it'll become a favourite 'haunt' when she brings the gang to visit - that'll have to be often for us to get through their menu!!!! ahhh, a little bit of chocolate decadence is so very therapeutic!!!!!



can't wait to try the tapas!!!!! and the fondue... and if you feel like being decadent at home in comfort, check out some of their recipes here!!!!!





and on that note, i'll say ciao for now... and maybe shed a few more tears ...

3 comments:

larrythelibrarian said...

Hey Proudie, could to see that you are settling in and getting it together. We will have to take a sunday drive together soon to Malmsbury to visit Louie

PROUD WOMAN said...

thanks Larry, comments and emails always help pick me up...

and a leisurely sunday drive to malmsbury sounds good... good company, some nice scenery, comfortable, welcoming destination... i'll be holding you to that!!!

Curvy Kitty said...

ah it's sad when your blog starts acquiring tags such as depression and heartache. Let's hear it for strength and freedom and respect! For having a giggle and blossoming! Love you lots woman.