Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts

Monday, August 17, 2009

life goes on...

i caught up with friends (Sailor Lil, Curvy Kitty, Kirsty and Alistair) on Saturday... what an enjoyable, vibrant, eclectic group of people to spend time with (it was a pity about the weather though - we couldn't sit out in the courtyard - next time maybe) - we shared a delicious feast of food and wine that everyone 'brought to the table'... we got the work 'gossip and angst' out of the way, chatted and laughed about everything and anything, and shared interesting snippets of each other's lives - we listened to music and danced (sorry Lil, you missed that) - everybody's so different - different ages, different lifestyles, different lives - but oh so interesting and amusing... such a pleasant way to 'while away' a saturday afternoon...


it was a bit of an introspective evening after everyone had gone though (no doubt thanks in part to the wine, the reminiscences and the music) - loneliness is a constant companion, but my babes help me through that - but depression was vying for attention and won for a while...

i had to shake off it's shackles on sunday before it dragged me down again...

it was such a bleak day outside - windy and wet - so i snuggled up on the couch with 'the gang' and spent some time on the computer learning how to use Audacity - a free, open source audio editor and recorder - perfect for podcasting - i so wish we (we in the work context) could use some of the open source stuff that's available!!! - i thought as one of the IT people that it would be handy to know what it's all about and how to actually make a podcast, because it makes sense to me that at some stage we should surely have our author talks available to those who can't make it into the library - we really need to start using the technology that's out there to reach a much wider audience... so much potential the mind boggles... but i'll be ready (sort of)!!!!



monday was a 'family day' - i had me mum, aunt and brother around for lunch - i've been promising them deep fried vegies for ages (they're easily pleased!!!) so finally got around to fulfilling that commitment... it's nice to see them - it's also nice to see them go - to reclaim allie's (she's still coping - no more distressing episodes - but she does have very little bladder control) and shadow's and my space again... but me mum's frailty is becoming more and more glaring - (she was exhausted after the walk from the tram stop to my place and that's not a long walk - it's getting harder and harder for her to walk any distance these days)... luckily darrell could drive them home... he brought around a "live at the chapel" dvd for me to watch - looking forward to that!!!



and now it's time to do 'some domestics' before my away from my old girl working week starts all over again... but i'll leave you with this youtube clip - an interesting blend of musical styles - Robert Plant (rock) and Alison Krauss (bluegrass) - it's grouse....


Monday, June 29, 2009

it's been a hard journey....

it's hard to believe the changes that have happened in my life in such a short time... was it just a few weeks ago that shit happened and I ended up with black eyes??? that was definitely the catalyst to my understanding that I could no longer live with that volatility in our relationship any longer...

and fuck it's been hard... so much shit - loss - depression - stress - heartache - anger - expense (I'm in so much debt!!!!)... I've cried a lot - I've been blamed for everything - I've wallowed in self-pity - I've ached for what once was - I've missed Brann desperately - I've also hated him with a passion, especially his constant blaming of me and his refusal to accept any share of responsibility for the 'end' of 'us' (foolish me, of course - alcoholism has never affected a relationship has it!!!??)... I asked once if friendship could survive when love had gone - sadly, it doesn't look like it...

but luckily I've had incredibly caring people around me - the support, love and encouragement I've gotten has been overwhelming and I'm starting to get out of the 'mire' and get things together finally... things are settling down, the flat is starting to feel a semblance of comfortable - don't know if it'll ever feel like 'home' after the crap that went on with the neighbours from hell so early into tenancy... will finally get rid of depressing, horrid orange holland blinds this week when maroon venetians arrive - yay, that'll make sitting inside a little bit nicer - and did some work in the courtyard at the weekend, 'with a little help from my friends' - it's starting to take shape...

don't know how I would have survived without Irene, and then there's been me mum and even me brother, and of course Alistair and Katherine - such generosity, caring and warmth...



I miss my Lou-dude heaps, but saw him yesterday - he's lovin' the country, loves his country-cousins and Irene - but he loves coming to visit for the extra cuddles I give him (after all, he's got 3 other poodles to compete with in the country!!!!) - but he's only boarding - one day he'll be back with me...





Allie and Shadow are settling into their new surroundings... the old girl is coping okay - and the boy finally got outside so he's not so agitated.





There's no photos yet - I'll take some when the place is 'mine' - blinds in, courtyard looking cosy... but that won't take too long now... it's getting there...



ooooh, and before I call it quits here... Irene and I needed some comfort food so we went to Chocolateria San Churro in St Kilda at the weekend... they do the best Churros I've tasted... delicious - I highly recommend it... looks like it'll become a favourite 'haunt' when she brings the gang to visit - that'll have to be often for us to get through their menu!!!! ahhh, a little bit of chocolate decadence is so very therapeutic!!!!!



can't wait to try the tapas!!!!! and the fondue... and if you feel like being decadent at home in comfort, check out some of their recipes here!!!!!





and on that note, i'll say ciao for now... and maybe shed a few more tears ...