a sad few days...

i've shed a number of tears these last few days... 

you may remember i introduced you to fudge at the beginning of the year... sadly, her long life journey ended last thursday evening... i didn't get to know her well - just a few short months she had here... it was a terrible thing for the old girl - she was 18-19'ish - to be 'discarded' at such a late stage of her life by those she depended on when she no longer suited their lifestyle... i hope she found some joy and happiness in her few months here... it was a pleasure to have met you girl...

to compound that sadness, it was the 1st anniversary of my old girl allie's death on saturday... i miss you so much still girl - the feel of you, your beautiful face, your companionship, everything about you...

but my boy shadow helps to ease the pain - and of course, he doesn't mind being an 'only child' - he actually wasn't really impressed when another feline came to stay - he quite liked being the centre of attention - so his life goes back to what it was...

my heart is heavy with sadness at the moment so i won't be writing anymore, but will share louise du toit's tribute to our canine and feline companions with you while i get ready to deal with the other 'old girl' in my life - my mother, whose 83rd birthday is on friday the 30th - so we're off shopping for a present, which entails catching the tram almost right outside the front of her block of flats (luckily), going to target in malvern (just near the tram stop we get off at - luckily), then it's a quick look at some clothes for her before that wears her out, and then it's back to her place...

 

my generation - or, another one bites the dust...

what a lovely day i had monday... caught up with larry the librarian and got to meet his little adopted girl lottie who came for the visit too... she is a real sweetie and will be a wonderful, loyal companion... of course i didn't answer the phone when it rang - hey, i had visitors and as they weren't staying long i did the courteous thing and let the phone go to message bank - i also wasn't ready to deal with an emergency should there have been one!!!

eventually i checked the messages... my mother had rung - there'd been another death in the (extended) family - yet another from 'my generation'...

you have to wonder how much grief a person can cope with - how resilient we are... my dear childhood friend jennie has had such a hard couple of years... her mother (aunty al) died on the 18th december, 2008 - then her beautiful elderly canine companion cara died 12 months ago - on top of that benji, another furry friend and companion, died only 4 weeks ago... and just yesterday her only sibling - her brother jeff - died at 52 years of age... i'm thinking of you jen - your pain was palpable last night when we spoke...

jeff contracted an infection in hospital so, of course, they opted for antibiotic treatment - you'd think he was in the right place, being in hospital already (but not for anything life-threatening!)... not so - unfortunately they couldn't get the drip into his arm on the first try, so they then attempted to insert it into the other arm - they bungled that one too, with a 'clot' quickly developing - he was dead within 10 minutes... so very, very sad... goodbye jeff...

death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal ~ the quote garden

when love has gone...

why is letting go so hard? why does it hurt so much? in knowing it's what has to be, when will the tears stop flowing? memories of the past haunt us - we try to make some sense of it... but there is no sense to make, there is no blame to lay - it took both of us to reach this place... we thought we were forever, but nothing stays the same... we tried so many times and failed, caused such heartache and pain, but in trying to keep what we had known, our love died along the way... but we have our lifetime of memories, intimacies we shared... we wove an incredible story, unforgettable chapters in our tale of life.... we once felt deep love and passion, and that we can't deny... but we've grown too far apart these days, our politics so different, beliefs no longer shared... we need to live apart now, and move on with our lives... but what becomes of friendship, when such a love has died? are the memories too painful, the differences too great? we'll see where our paths take us, and learn if friendship can survive...

We have shared so much together
Love... laughter... fun times... tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, allow ourselves to heal

(excerpt from "Letting go" by Judy Burnette - it's a lovely poem until the last paragraph when it mentions god!!)