an interlude from pain...

Went through me mum's photos the other day... and came up with some great black and white images (some not so good) that I scanned it - very therapeutic (for a while) - so decided to make a montage - I've only used black & white (or sepia toned) ones... and ones that included a grandparent at the very least... I threatened you with these photos, so enjoy... but if you'd rather check out the slideshow (with captions), you can view it here!!!

As for me... loneliness, emptiness, heartache... I'm in that place at the moment... so here's a poem...



The Silent Tear © by Kayla Minor

It comes at night when no one is watching
It comes so soft, that it barely has a feeling
When it comes, your heart is at ease
And the only thing that is on your mind, is
Now the agony can finally leave

As you gaze into the emptiness that fills the air
A Droplet tends to fall
While your memory races back to the time
When you thought you had it all

You try to hold in what is deeply within your soul
But the burning is so intense; that you just
Can't help but to let it go

During the night a stain is made
And at the same time all your pain is able to fade
The only true feeling that you feel, is the wetness of
A drop that is left by a single tear.

strange, this mother/daughter relationship...

"we've never really been a demonstrative family" me mum said today as she handed me an envelope, "and I'm not very good at saying how I feel" - so it was touching when I read the card she gave me...

seems that our relationship is changing - we get on a lot better now... all the powers of attorney (medical and general) have been sorted... we're talking about what she really wants at the end... she can still get around sort of... she gets so very tired so very easily... and she's a lot more feeble now... that's a shock - for her as well!!! - but she's still wanting to be so very independent - that's my mum for you!!!

we had a good talk and laugh looking through some photos today... she's going to go through all her photos and write what she remembers on each of them (none of us have ever really been good at 'organising' that sort of stuff - Judy's photos are just shoved into a box!!!!)

so many memories in that box though - from me great-grandmother (Nanny Great!!) who ran away from New Zealand with a catholic priest!!! - to me great-grandfather who was gay - he and my great-grandmother (Nanny Bev) did what was expected of them (at a time when the only accepted relationships were heterosexual) - they had kids... me nan had the mandatory family and could 'hold her head high' as a "fulfilled woman" - but she didn't have to have the man around all the time... Grandfather, having married and 'bred', could live his life (he was an 'artiste' - very bohemian!!!) and spend his time with his actual life partner, Les.

Ooh, there are soooo many stories - Grandfather was actually my step-great-grandfather, my grandfather was my nan's second husband (in a time when divorce wasn't easy!!!) - she threw the first husband out - he was apparently a no-hoping womanizer!!!!

Maybe some of the pictures I get from me mum will inspire me to write about some of these people in depth...

anyway I'm off for eleven days straight starting from this saturday - so I can see myself blogging a bit more then...