Tuesday, October 6, 2009

i'm feeling such incredible loneliness at the moment... i so miss what's been lost... my best friend, my companion, my soulmate...

We were together for so very long – in each others’ lives since 1975 (you might have noticed i’ve stalled a bit on my reminiscences of the 70s!!!)...

how do you fill that void?? the companionship of someone you’re totally comfortable with – someone who finds the same (black) humour in things as you – who shares similar politics and feels the same anger at injustices – someone to share wonderful moments with - to share companionable silences with - so much better than the silence of one... someone to cook with - to share meals with... someone to share the days happenings with... someone to share the day to day stuff with... to share the old girl's last journey with... to share pain and sorrow with...

i keep thinking "oooh, i must tell brann..." - i miss our conversations - i miss his company - i miss his presence... i miss the intimacy of our years together...

i miss the wee louie too... i miss my family being together... i grieve for what's gone...


Loneliness is a presence, a being
By Mary Lou Beverly


Loneliness is a presence, a being,
Not always evil, but always textural.
Filled with a weight and substance
That is at the same time thick and wispy.
Once, Escaping from the corner of my eye as a thin, lacy trail,
Then sitting on my heart with a crushing, stifling pressure.

Oh, You’re back, I say.
Dare I think you might leave me forever?
You’re just a memory away, a gentle sigh’s distance from my waking thought.
A familiar, yet unwelcome embrace that softly brushes my heart, then
Returns to assert the heaviness of a wrestler’s mighty hold.

Loneliness is a presence, a being
An old enemy/friend/lover who stalks my heart.

ooohhh, looks like i'm a bit down at the moment... and i've been pre-occupied and just discovered the old girl has wee'd in her sleep (which doesn't happen regularly yet) and now i have to change the couch covers (and my comfy pants)...

4 comments:

Sailor Lily said...

dear friend. The following is said with as much tough love as I can inflict on you. Take off your rosy glasses. I am so glad that you have known that kind of companionship, love and shared intimacy. But it was also eroded with deceit, anger and hurt. I am sorry you are lonely, I hope it passes with time and through time spent with other loves: good friends, good animals, good work and fun play. It's OK to be lonely, and its more than OK to have bouts of the blues. You'e well entitled to feel sad for yourself too. But I WILL NOT STAND FOR A SMART WOMAN PUTTING BLINKERS ON!!! Blinkers were for horses, a nasty device designed to keep them plodding on the track instead of in tune with their instincts for danger.
You have good instincts, wild womyn instincts for self preservation. You are doing a brilliant job of being kind to yourself and your fur family. I'm proud of you. Now buck and up and go cuddle your 'kids'. For that's what us Mum's do darling lady. We get up and get on. For we are more resilient than even we fully know.

lily.

PROUD WOMAN said...

ouch!!!!! but thanks 'lil...

Sailor Lily said...

I know, but hang in there. You are bigger than this. lil.

larrythelibrarian said...

Hey Sharon, Sorry to hear you are still down after my last visit. I'm with Lil, look forward not backward....I know this stuff is easy to say... I believe in you as a person tough enough to get through all this.