shades of sadness...

i got a phone call from my mother last friday and on answering was told "something terrible has happened..." many scenarios raced through my mind in a few short seconds, but none involved the suicide of my 'cousin' that took place the evening before that they had just been notified of...

my first thoughts were 'how?', 'why?' - numbing disbelief was what i felt - surely i'd heard wrong - but then shock moved aside and reality kicked in, and it didn't matter the 'how' or 'why' but that he was dead - his life journey had ended, and my major concern became how 'aunty eileen' was coping - the death of a child is not something a parent expects to have to deal with... eileen and her kids, although not blood relatives, have been part of my family all of my life, eileen being my mother's best friend of over 80 years and a nurturer, confidant and friend to me for all of my 57 years...

identification had to be made and the coronial inquest was over quickly on saturday morning - there was little to be analysed, it was a 'cut and dried' suicide with a letter left for the family...  adrian was the youngest of all of the 'kids', only 48 years old, but sadly his life had taken a path he felt he could no longer walk along...

we all came together to deal with our sadness while sorting out the 'practicalities' of death, and to celebrate the lovely, funny, but lonely young man that was adrian... that's what 'my family' does, accepts and then continues on with the necessities of life, albeit with a shift to accommodate the void left, the heavy hearts, but that weight lessened by shared memories, laughter and tears (although the funeral is still to come, so there will be many more shared moments).... some need someone or something to blame initially, but that soon dissipates... oh how sadness comes in many shades...

being into astronomy as he was, what more can i say but fly high and shine brightly mate, you will always be in our hearts...