time goes by and life goes on...

 

 my old girl’s been gone for over a month now and still i yearn for the feel of her – sometimes it feels like my whole body is aching, craving to touch her, every nerve screaming out for that sensory pleasure - i so miss caressing her… i still see her out of the corner of my eye, i look for her and talk to her, i end conversations with 'hey gang' and then look around to see the boy but no girl, i miss sharing my food with her - she loved all food, sweet and savoury... i miss her... i still weep, but then i feel her in everything around me so i get on with life…

we shared last thursday, april 21st though – my 56th birthday and the anniversary of her death exactly 4 weeks before… after a lovely visit from larry and lottie who came bearing gifts, my girl and i shared a ceremony to celebrate the occasion – surrounded by flowers and scented candles (soy wax of course) i placed some of allie’s ashes into the beautiful keepsake i purchased from furry souls… the keepsake is lovely to hold – hand-made, heart-shaped in brass and pewter which just fits into the palm and has an incredibly sensual feel... furry souls also have a memorial page and this is my tribute to my sweet beauty...

i spoke to some lovely, caring womyn during the preceding weeks when allie’s time was getting nearer – womyn who had started their own businesses to help grieving people deal with the impending loss of their companion animals, their best friends, their family members…

allie’s passing was well honoured, beautiful and serene for the old girl and me… emma whiston from my best friend was such a compassionate and caring vet who came to our home with such a calming presence… she encourages those close to be there too so as brann had known and loved her for years i invited him, and my brother darrell came too – he just adored her and was in awe of her resilience… there was one very close friend who was absent, irene, but sadly with her changing life circumstances at the time it was unable to be... but allie knew she was a friend and was loved by her... the girl was in her element – she felt love all around her when her time came, all hands were caressing her… it was a beautiful passing…

caroline higgins from paws and reflect came and collected her body for cremation a few hours later – i appreciated those fews hours, having her body here without being whisked straight away was very calming and therapeutic in the letting go, the accepting… caroline came with a beautiful purple body bag in which she placed the old girl very respectfully – another honouring of my beautiful friend…

she returned in a black scatter tin and has been surrounded by orchids which have dropped from the plant over the last month... it was given by colleagues at work (although i suspect it was mainly thanks to kirsty, katherine and amanda) to mark allie's passing with something living – a beautiful gesture and a stunning plant – and a plant that can be divided to make more living memories of my girl, each containing some of her ashes…

if you share your life with a companion animal i can’t recommend the above people highly enough when your friend’s journey is coming to an end… they understand the bond and give the respect deserved...

here’s a slideshow of my beautiful friend over the years, from 1996 when she came into my life at 4 years of age, to 2011...

as they say, 'time heals'... it was allie's time and she lived to a grand old age - 19, but the tears still flow at times... my girl will always be in my heart and memories though... and i know that she would expect me to rescue someone else, to give another babe a chance, a home, but that will be in the future - i'll know when it's the right time, when i'm being called - but for now it's shadow's time to have me to himself for a while... 

i've had the last week off - it was an opportune time to take the minimum amount of my own leave while having the maximum amount of days off due to the public holidays, but it's back to work tomorrow - i needed that break though to reflect and reminisce, and it turned out to be a very pleasurable time with visits from kirsty, and michael and lottie, being taken out for dinner by steph and pete, lunch shouted by the mother and aunt (which meant food from veg out to go - neither felt well enough to get out so they paid and lunch and i came to them), and then i had a lovely dinner cooked for me on monday evening by brann... it's been nice to catch up with friends - a lovely birthday week...

looks like i'll be blogging again - it's time to come back to it but i don't know how regularly yet... so many topics to blog about, but this post is enough for today...