a depressing dilemma…

it appears my carefully constructed work façade is starting to crack – i realised that when a colleague commented last week ‘you look okay sharon, but you sound totally disillusioned’… and the only response i could muster – ‘i am’…

at least there's work and life balance - disillusion and depression...

the security of a retreat in malmsbury is fast becoming a pipe dream, a once longed for illusion… after a bad few weeks involving a car accident, an assault and then the death of lucky boy, irene told me last week she's contemplating her future and the possibility of moving - and that move is likely to take her (and my louie) further away, closer to new south wales…

it's a decision that's totally understandable, but nonetheless depressing for me… the sanctuary i’ve been yearning for and which was seemingly so close now looks to be a receding dream… as is reuniting with my louie boy – i'm realistic enough to know he could never live in a flat (nor would it be fair to him - he’s used to being part of a pack, having space and barking a lot these days), and my only option as a city dweller is a flat - the rental on a house being way out of my solo-living, single-income league… that realisation has caused much heartache and many tears…

so now I grapple with possibilities for some sort of housing security as I age – the vagaries of the ever increasing cost and competition of the private rental market, or getting my name onto the community housing waiting list (available to those on low to moderate income with a percentage of 'stock' allocated for those over 55) - that though would entail cutting down a few hours to come within the income threshhold of $738 gross per week (as opposed to public housing which has a lower income threshhold) - i earn $683 per week net but then there's the compulsory weekend work for us lower banded workers… unfortunately it could take months or even years to be offered something – and that would mean trying to survive in private rental on even less income until an offer was made (which i could just afford staying here assuming they renew the lease and don't put the rent up!)… if the lease isn't renewed or the rent hike is massive (they didn't raise the rent last year so chances are there'll be a hike this year!!!) i'm fucked...

a dilemma indeed…

depression and disillusionment – a good start to a new year… and such a frugal few weeks it’s been to boot – with more frugality to come…

such a downer of a first post nearly a month into 2011 hey... while i wallow in self-pity i'll leave you with a favourite song... flame trees - sadly the co-writer and drummer of cold chisel – steve prestwich - died last week at the age of 56 (which is how old i’ll be in 3 months) – it has long been my very favourite chisels song...