yet more illness and sadness...

one of my mother's oldest, dearest and closest friends - Alison (aka aunty Al) is ill and receiving palliative care at home... she's part of my extended family - if it wasn't for her and me mum I wouldn't be here now, having contracted pneumonia when I was born... the hospital sent me home to die... I couldn't be laid down so 'aunty Al' and me mum took rotating shifts for a number of weeks to keep me upright and alive (and we're talking keeping me upright 24 hours a day!!!)

She's had a long battle with many illnesses - I saw her in hospital earlier this year but she's never really been well for years... I spoke to her the other day and she just didn't seem to be with it at all... my heart goes out to Jenny (her daughter and my childhood friend)...

this is Jen, with me dad at me brother's wedding way back in the early 70's...unfortunately I don't have a picture of aunty Al so will have to check me mum's stockpile of photos...

we've drifted apart over the years, different lifestyles, living in different areas, but that doesn't mean we haven't kept up with what's happening in each others lives - and we're always there when needed - we're 'family' (and family to me doesn't mean blood - the nurturing environment makes the family - blood ties really mean very little in the scheme of things - just because you're related by blood doesn't mean you automatically like someone - most of the closest people to me aren't related by blood, but are more important to me because they've been there for always, regardless of my 'follies'!!!)

unfortunately my partner doesn't understand that - his comment to me the other day when I told him it's not looking good for Aunty Al - he feels sorry for her but what the fuck is my problem? why the fuck am I so upset... it's not like we're close... blah, blah, blah... so much support!!!! but then he doesn't even bother to ask how my mother is (and of course aunty Al's illness is really going to impact on her)...

then there was the 'bombshell' he dropped the other morning when I was leaving for work... he's 'going away' for 6 months and he'll be RENTING OUT HIS ROOM...

going away - fine, still paying his share of the rent - fine, but renting out his room (what, they wouldn't be using the kitchen, bathroom, etc. etc.) - not fine... I was shaking and distressed by the time I got to work... thanks Sailor Lil for your shoulder to cry on (literally) and the cuddle you gave me when I really needed one... a friend indeed!!!!

thought we had a commitment when we moved in here... we signed the lease for 12 months... regardless of anything we were committed for that time at least because neither of us could afford to be left in the lurch - that was spoken about before we signed the lease... and accommodation's hard to come by when you have animals, 3 actually - 2 dogs and a cat - hence this house - animals were welcome... apparently commitment means nothing... the animals mean nothing...

guess if it comes to it we'll just have to live really frugally, me and the 'kids' - the house isn't exactly cheap - nearly $1700 per month... then there's all the other bills - but no stranger will be moving in here!!!

just what I need - more crap, more stress!!!!

feeling slightly betrayed... and very depressed...

okay, while I'm being a tad sad, here's some music I listen to when I'm down - no, I won't 'burden' you with Barnsie - here's the Badloves... enjoy...