an interlude from pain...

Went through me mum's photos the other day... and came up with some great black and white images (some not so good) that I scanned it - very therapeutic (for a while) - so decided to make a montage - I've only used black & white (or sepia toned) ones... and ones that included a grandparent at the very least... I threatened you with these photos, so enjoy... but if you'd rather check out the slideshow (with captions), you can view it here!!!

As for me... loneliness, emptiness, heartache... I'm in that place at the moment... so here's a poem...



The Silent Tear © by Kayla Minor

It comes at night when no one is watching
It comes so soft, that it barely has a feeling
When it comes, your heart is at ease
And the only thing that is on your mind, is
Now the agony can finally leave

As you gaze into the emptiness that fills the air
A Droplet tends to fall
While your memory races back to the time
When you thought you had it all

You try to hold in what is deeply within your soul
But the burning is so intense; that you just
Can't help but to let it go

During the night a stain is made
And at the same time all your pain is able to fade
The only true feeling that you feel, is the wetness of
A drop that is left by a single tear.

2008 - a really shit year...

Farewell Aunty Al....

another sad time... me Aunty Al died last Thursday - the funeral was yesterday... (and if you're wondering what the cake's doing on her 'remembrance' card, she was renowned for her 'sweets' passion!!!)

So, last night was a really weepy night...

did I mention Brann and I split up as well? - so I guess some of the tears were for a relationship ended... no point assigning blame - I'm too worn out with grief... we just couldn't give each other what we needed from each other... what timing though...

so I'm going to go and cry my eyes out (again) - and toast lost friends... and wonder how me and the 'gang' can afford to stay in this house... at least until the end of the lease... ooooh, $1700 per month rent will mean a very frugal existence indeed...

fuck, there's still a few days left of 2008 - what else can it throw at me??? roll on 2009 - but then, there's me mum and her illness... and me old girl Allie has to get through summer yet - maybe just roll on 2010!!!!

strange, this mother/daughter relationship...

"we've never really been a demonstrative family" me mum said today as she handed me an envelope, "and I'm not very good at saying how I feel" - so it was touching when I read the card she gave me...

seems that our relationship is changing - we get on a lot better now... all the powers of attorney (medical and general) have been sorted... we're talking about what she really wants at the end... she can still get around sort of... she gets so very tired so very easily... and she's a lot more feeble now... that's a shock - for her as well!!! - but she's still wanting to be so very independent - that's my mum for you!!!

we had a good talk and laugh looking through some photos today... she's going to go through all her photos and write what she remembers on each of them (none of us have ever really been good at 'organising' that sort of stuff - Judy's photos are just shoved into a box!!!!)

so many memories in that box though - from me great-grandmother (Nanny Great!!) who ran away from New Zealand with a catholic priest!!! - to me great-grandfather who was gay - he and my great-grandmother (Nanny Bev) did what was expected of them (at a time when the only accepted relationships were heterosexual) - they had kids... me nan had the mandatory family and could 'hold her head high' as a "fulfilled woman" - but she didn't have to have the man around all the time... Grandfather, having married and 'bred', could live his life (he was an 'artiste' - very bohemian!!!) and spend his time with his actual life partner, Les.

Ooh, there are soooo many stories - Grandfather was actually my step-great-grandfather, my grandfather was my nan's second husband (in a time when divorce wasn't easy!!!) - she threw the first husband out - he was apparently a no-hoping womanizer!!!!

Maybe some of the pictures I get from me mum will inspire me to write about some of these people in depth...

anyway I'm off for eleven days straight starting from this saturday - so I can see myself blogging a bit more then...

I had the house all to myself (with the 'gang' of course) all day and night on Saturday - so it was a very lazy day... well, Sunday was pretty lazy too!!!! I got a lot of 'reading' done...

My friend 'Lil left a comment on my last post which I have to quote from...

"as bibliophiles we know the power of the book as an object that can travel so far and hold so many stories in its very 'skin'."

it's quite interesting 'Lil mentioned "People of the Book" by Geraldine Brooks...

I just happen to be listening to it at the moment too... it's 'inspired' by a true story... the journey of a rare illuminated manuscript - the Sarajevo Haggadah... it's also about Hanna, a rare-book conservator - her passion and dedication... we follow the Haggadah from the 15th century through to 1996 where Hanna gets the chance to restore the artefact... and why tell you more - it's worth reading!!

and in between listening to this, I also finished reading "Dewey : The Small-Town Library Cat Who Touched the World" - I think you might be able to work out what this one's about... it is a really touching story - and beware, tissues are a must when you get to the end of it... beautiful and sad... it's not just about Dewey though, it's also about the people who became his family, and their lives as well... go on, you know you want to read it!!!!

I also managed to watch "The brave one" with Jodie Foster... I quite 'enjoyed' it... sometimes you just need to watch a 'vigilante' film - although the outcome was very unlikely - but definitely desirable!!!! Of course, Jodie Foster was brilliant - or is that just my bias???

And on that note, I'm going to bed and starting another book - "Cups with no handles" - another Summer Read recommendation.

food for the mind....

“A well-composed book is a magic carpet on which we are wafted to a world that we cannot enter in any other way” ... Caroline Gordon.

and I think "The Zookeeper's War" by Steven Conte takes us to that world.

It's 1943, wartime Berlin. Vera (an Australian and the central character), zookeeper and wife of Axel Frey, the director of the Berlin Zoo, are trying to keep the animals alive and maintain a semblence of 'normal' daily life as the conditions become harsher and more heartbreaking.

The story moves in and out of the main characters' lives and that's where we learn what enticed Vera to travel to Berlin when all were gearing up for war.

People's fear and dawning awareness that no-one was really safe no matter who they supported was starting to take it's toll. Constant vigilance was a necessity - informers were everywhere - it didn't take much to get you 'noticed' by the gestapo - even Vera's Australian accent was bringing her more and more under suspicion as an enemy alien. It was a desperate fight for survival - rape, death, destruction, bombs falling all around them, rationing, the heartbreak of the animals dying from starvation, disease, bomb damage... and amidst all this her passionate but dangerous affair with Martin, an Ostarbeiter.

It's moving, it's sad, it's brutal - a poignant picture of ordinary people during an extraordinary time trying to maintain a vestige of hope when all around is in decline.

But most of all, it was 'un-put-downable' - not bad for a first novel!!!

It's one of the recommended books on the State Library's Summer Reading List, and this year the criteria is that they're either set in Victoria or written by Victorian authors.

The Reading Victoria blog is worth having a look at too - it's being posted to by all the authors on the list over the next few weeks...