walking backwards through time...

I just couldn't decide what to blog about today... life, politics, religion and social networking (which was in the news this morning - "The leader of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales has issued a dire warning to parents about social networking sites"... you can read more here) - but I thought I'd take you on a short stroll down 'my' (cobblestoned) memory lane - circa 1971...



I don't remember how it came about, but I was engaged at 16 - the who i remember, but as to the how, why and when - i just can't pinpoint those answers!


there's one thing i'm sure about though - james was my very first, full on 'all the way' sexual encounter - my first fuck - they say you remember your first taste of young hormonal lust!!!


I even remember where we 'did the deed' - a friends parents had gone away for the weekend - what good timing, and no better way to savour a new experience than in comfort! and safety!! and, luckily for me, he was an experienced, 'accomplished' lover - and that made for a very pleasurable 'deflowering' for this 'novice' - and played a role in my burgeoning appreciation of 'the sensual' and 'the sexual'...



but where did we meet????

I used to go to St Moritz ice skating rink - for some reason I was taking figure skating lessons - but the blades on the skates frightened the shit out of me - the image of falling and losing my fingers as someone skated over them haunted me - no, i really wasn't cut out to be a skater - what was I doing taking lessons - whose idea was that - me mums, or mine - I can't recall that either!!! - but James played ice hockey - could that be how we met??

now that was a frightening, dangerous 'game' - for both spectators and players!!! fancy having a contact sport where everyone was carrying a deadly weapon - and believe me, those sticks got used for more than hitting the puck with!!! let alone the puck whizzing passed your head at incredible speed (no barriers in those days!!!) freaky... but it does seem like the most likely place for us to have come in contact...


but no, i don't think that's the place - i was taking lessons when i was a lot younger... so the where still can't be answered!!!!


how long were we together??? another blank - couldn't have been more than 12 months - not even family can help out here - they don't remember either - we were obviously a memorable couple - appears we were never expected to 'last' - luckily they were right!!!


as they say, all good things come to an end...



eventually i discovered he'd been cheating on me - a lot... he'd also been lying about his age - he drove an fj holden when we met, so i (foolishly!!) trusted he was actually telling the truth about being old enough to drive - that would make him 18 at least - after "selling" the fj (turned out it wasn't even his!!) he then got himself a Sandman panel van - or shaggin' wagon as they were known then ("if it's a rockin', don't come a'knockin'" - ahh, the 70s - not exactly one of the intellectual catchcries of the era, but very popular amongst young men) - well, turned out he didn't even have a licence - he was only 16 too!!! lies, lies and more lies!!!



i did actually get the 'last laugh' so to speak... after we split up, James started going out with someone else in the same street i lived so the black Trans AM parked out the front of my place wouldn't have gone unnoticed - it belonged to my latest boyfriend - well, more like the latest carnal desire - hey, i was 17 now, and it was definitely the sexual 70s!!! - and he had the 'bad boy' image to go with the 'bad boy' car - the difference between the sandman panel van and the trans AM was a bit like the difference between James and Roy - one was a boy, and the other a man - who, coincidentally, also shared me dad's name - oooh, what did that mean??)


where was my journey leading... what was in store for me as I matured???


you might be interested to know that the engagement ring has become a 'family heirloom' - i never did give it back to james - he never asked for it... so i gave it to me mother - she'd never had a real diamond ring before so she really appreciated it... she's had it since 1972 and just passed it on to Rebbecca (her granddaughter, my niece) for her birthday this year - a tradition born!!!!!

bring back Buffy...

because the new breed of young, nauseatingly broody vampires need a good slaying!!!

not having read the Stephanie Meyer "Twilight" series - nor having had any inclination to - they're aimed more at the younger adult - i don't know what possessed me to listen to a recommendation by a patron a few weeks ago - but I decided I'd get comfy, snuggle up with Allie and Shadow, give the movie a view - and hopefully enjoy some good entertainment... huh - what a disappointment... guess I was expecting a vampire like Angel - not Edward, who appeared to have watched too many daytime soapies, which is where I suspect the young actor learned his extended 'broodiness for the cameras' look... as for a strong female character like Buffy - Bella was so very different...

a very clever person put the following 'twilight remix' clip together - If Edward stalked Buffy instead of Bella - it's very good - it's been referred to as a 'feminist mash-up' and there's a really interesting piece on it's impact on young girls at WIMN's voices, a group blog on women and media... it does make more sense though if you've seen the movie, but it's a nice dose of Buffy if you're a fan - and Angel was a far superior vampire portrayal - but then I loved "Buffy the vampire slayer" and the "Angel" spin-off!!!!!!

I also started reading the novel "Evolution of the vampire : the Australian story : the beginning" by Juliet Peniston-Bird on the same persons' recommendation - i couldn't get very far into it - there were way too many 'christian vampires' references - you've got to be kidding - maybe 'mills and boon' vampires next??? very disappointing!!!! one i definitely don't recommend...

needless to say, the patron and i obviously have different interpretations of the genre...

political and pleasurable...

i had a work colleague around for dinner last night - she's vegan, around my age and an animal lover (which definitely went down well with Allie and Shadow - they loved being caressed by her!!!)... what an enjoyable evening - ideals, beliefs and experiences shared with someone with similar politics - not having to explain or justify ourselves, as vegans and vegetarians so often have to, because there was understanding... refreshing...

I love a good, positive political conversation - and a really deep conversation with someone who shares your views is always rewarding - an expansion and validation of your beliefs - really encouraging - and all too rare... it does the mind a wealth of good... you feel less like a "stranger in a strange land"... yes, it was a good night!!!!

i made a delicious ratatouille with rosemary baked potatoes and garlic - Den brought crusty rolls to sop up the yummy juices, and we shared a delightful organic semillon sauvignon blanc... she also brought a lovely bunch of daffodils and irises that complimented everything... very thoughtful - and the colours look great with the maroon venetians as their backdrop!!!


mind you, finding wine that vegetarians and vegans can drink can be a tiresome process... reading all of those labels - so many wines are 'fined' with non-vegetarian/vegan friendly substances - blood, egg whites, egg albumin, casein (milk protein), gelatin (derived from bones), isinglass (derived from fish), chitin/chitosan (derived from the shells of crabs or lobsters) and I must have read 20-odd labels yesterday before I found a suitable organic one.

like me, Den doesn't go out often these days - yeah, our age has something to do with that - but so does the still limited vegetarian restaurant choice - let alone vegetarian dish choices in 'standard' restuarants - and then there are the odors of rancid decaying cooking flesh that can be overpowering, nausea-causing even - and let's face it, once something dies it starts to decay immediately!!!

there's also the constant having to explain your vegetarianism to people who can't quite grasp the concept, and the graphic descriptions they give you of their carnivorous habits - 'we' really don't want to hear your favourite dead animal recipe or where you get the best cut of dead animal from!!!

from the blog "Provoked... by the way we use animals"

and then there's the wearing of 'leather' products - some vegetarians and vegans find this a hard thing to do away with - but how do they justify it to themselves - how is dead animal as food source different to dead animal as clothing source - the animals suffer and then die - it's all part and parcel of the same industry - the death industry... and then there's the other abusive, inhumane practices - the feed lots, the battery farms, the farms that provide no shelter or water (and there are so many - just take a drive in the country!!!), the transportation, the abattoirs, the pain, the suffering - and that's not even touching on animal experimentation - the list goes on...

there seems to be an inability to understand that 'our' vegetarianism is an integral element of us - who we are - our morality - our belief in the complementarity of nature - our respect and compassion for other species - our non-belief in human superiority!!!

it's a hard choice to make - to live on the outside of what's considered 'normal' takes determination and strength - always having to 'qualify and quantify' your beliefs can wear you out - so can the jokes and jibes about vegetarians - and the disrespect to animals - it also takes time, energy, and lots of research - you have to read everything - time-consuming and frustrating - it's a way of life...

so, like a lot of vegos, i find myself thinking - "what hope for animals, when humans don't even respect or have compassion for their own species"??!!

If slaughterhouses had glass walls, everyone would be a vegetarian. ~ Paul McCartney

Animals are my friends... and I don't eat my friends. ~ George Bernard Shaw

Nothing more strongly arouses our disgust than cannibalism, yet we make the same impression on Buddhists and vegetarians, for we feed on babies, though not our own. ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

Recognize meat for what it really is: the antibiotic- and pesticide-laden corpse of a tortured animal. ~ Ingrid Newkirk

We all love animals. Why do we call some "pets" and others "dinner?" ~ k.d. lang

Think of me tonite
For that which you savor
Did it give you something real,
or could you taste the pain of my death in its flavor?
~ Wayne K. Tolson, from "Food Forethought"


quotes from Quotegarden

what's your comfort???

I caught up with Sailor Lil' on Saturday... it was a lovely couple of hours... she was having some "Finn free" time so we ate Middle Eastern pastries Lil' bought from 'her side of town', we shared a bottle of wine, we talked and laughed and shared visions of semi-retirement...


Irene came down with Louie and the gang on Sunday so I got to spend a few hours with him... I miss that little boy - and it's always hard to say goodbye - a wee weep always follows his departure... I'd love to be living with him in the country - I'm not a 'flat-dweller' - I hate the closeness of so many people - the proximity of strangers - the 'surround sound' noise - the claustrophobic sensation - and the animals are used to more space... Shadow would love the country life... but as 'we've' got another 11 months on the lease here I guess I just get as much debt paid off as possible in that time, save anything that's left - and dream of peace and serenity....


i knew i was coming down with something on Monday, and i woke up this morning with that cotton wool wrapped head feeling, shivers and chills, aching body and knew i wasn't going to be able to go to work... knew it would happen soon - moved into the IT room when I went back to work the other week and both guys had the flu in varying stages - so i wrapped myself up in my doona and laid on the couch with allie most of the day - feeling sorry for myself of course...

I was a bit down by this time - well, downright depressed actually - and at times don't you just crave some good old fashioned comfort food??? I do, and I just had to make myself some cauliflower in cheese sauce, oven-baked with fresh cheesy breadcrumbs - even made the cheese sauce with pure cream - told you, I really was in need of comfort food...


i guess at least now i've got nice blinds to hide behind, to contemplate my future... yes, the horrible orange blinds have gone - replaced by an 'easier on the eyes and mind' colour... a more 'me' colour - another much needed sensory comfort...


and now i'm going to make a cuppa, stretch out on the couch and hope i feel better tomorrow...

I was reading Curvy Kitty’s blog the other night, and her depiction of tea, scones, jam and cream in the wonderfully evocative post "a day at the gallery" started me thinking about me nan (that's her, with poppa joe - sorry, it's a bit 'fuzzy' - it's a really old photo)…

It didn’t matter when you dropped in to nan’s, there was always a pot of tea on the go (with, of course, the obligatory knitted tea cosy), home made goodies aplenty – lemon slice, rum balls, white christmas, chocolate slice, cupcakes, shortbread, sponge, trifle, pavlova, and if you were there at the right time, hot scones, jam and cream…we all used to get a box of goodies at the end of the year (xmas to some) – a welcome (and anticipated) treat - especially when you had the munchies!!!!!

I can’t help but laugh when I recall a scene she vividly described one day. She liked to write poetry (some of which I’ll upload sometime), and when poppa retired he was, as most men of his era who'd worked long hours all their lives, at a loss as to how to fill in his day. Of course this was bound to affect nan’s personal space – especially her precious writing time.

She was writing in the kitchen as was her want when poppa walked past and commented “doing some writing” – the next ‘pass through’ elicited “still writing” – after a few more 'interruptions' and one too many "still writing" questions, me nan was pushed to retort “no, I’m doing an Irish jig in the backyard!!!!”

His retirement wasn’t boding well for her equilibrium!!!