st kilda - where classes collide...

i've mostly lived around Balaclava and East St Kilda - West St Kilda is a 'new' experience - such incredibly wide streets, beautiful grand mansions, stunning architecture...

i'm surrounded by wealth, but also by extreme poverty... i'm definitely not wealthy, nor am i extremely poor - i own nothing, i have no savings, i have debts, i work 4 days per week and earn around $25 per hour - some weeks i can afford to buy 'extras', some weeks i live frugally, depends on what bills need to be paid and whether they can be juggled (have i had the 'red' one yet?) - but i never cease to be amazed by what some possess, and saddened by what others lack.

the Gatwick is just around the corner from me... it's a magnificent old building, built in 1938, with walls that no doubt resonate with energy from bygone days - from the affluent and extravagant residents, to the desperately impoverished...

"History (from City of Port Phillip Heritage Review)

The Gatwick Private Hotel was constructed by 1938. It replaced a nineteenth century house known as 'Lockings’ that was occupied by members of the O’Donnell family in the early decades of the twentieth century. The O’Donnells owned both this property and the adjoining lot to the south-west.

In May of 1936 the subject property was sold to Margaret Carter who later that month transferred the property to ‘Maribeale Pty Ltd’ of 34 Fitzroy Street, St Kilda (Land Victoria 1). Sands & McDougall Directories show that in 1936 the house on this site was still listed as being occupied by the ‘Misses O’Donnell’.

In 1937 the notation is ‘Flats being built’ and by 1938 the Gatwick Private Hotel is listed at 34 Fitzroy Street along with Mrs L.M. Beale who presumably was the manager. As noted above, the Gatwick Private Hotel was one of the last of the substantial private hotels erected in St Kilda during the inter-war period that catered for a more up-market clientele.

During World War Two it provided accommodation for the U.S. armed forces when officers from Base Section Four headquarters at Port Melbourne, under the command of Colonel Galloway were billeted at the Prince of Wales Hotel (where an officer’s club was established), and at the Gatwick Hotel, which were both owned or managed at that stage by Edwin Jewell. According to Longmire (1989:122) both hotels were ‘highly regarded for the facilities they provided’. The Gatwick Hotel lacked a dining room so officers and their ‘female friends’ dined at the Prince of Wales where ‘the freezer was stacked with ice-cream and the pantry full of unprocurable goods’.

After WWII, standards at the Gatwick Private Hotel and other guest houses declined."


the Gatwick's popularity flourished and fluctuated along with the fortunes of the era and tenants - from private hotel ("highly regarded for the facilities they provided") to guest house, to boarding-house, which it still is, populated by vulnerable people with limited resources these days.

i see such desperation and sadness when i walk past on my way to and from work - it's a confronting, depressing way to start or finish the day... and in an area renowned for it's restaurants and eateries, inequity is glaringly obvious on a Wednesday night when you can find the St Kilda Food Van outside handing out much needed and appreciated sustenance...


such extremes... so many people with nowhere to go... such sadness... such desperation...

so many alcohol and drug affected people - such easy access to both - i was saddened to watch a young man sniffing glue the other day while i was waiting for a tram - the police arrived and spoke to him, then threw his bag and crap away, and when they left he just went and got it out of the rubbish bin and started all over again...

and then there's the very palpable violent undercurrent that inhabits the streets around here - some days the street 'vibe' is really threatening - it can be a frightening place...

i don't get that welcoming, 'homey' feel here - i feel vulnerable, unsafe, uncomfortable, and i don't want to live like that... will anywhere ever feel like home again... oooh, i'm possibly a bit melancholic at the moment... got an email from Brann friday, saw Louie saturday - trying to keep painful memories at bay... my life feels fragmented - my family is fragmented...

and here's another alison krauss and robert plant song...

life goes on...

i caught up with friends (Sailor Lil, Curvy Kitty, Kirsty and Alistair) on Saturday... what an enjoyable, vibrant, eclectic group of people to spend time with (it was a pity about the weather though - we couldn't sit out in the courtyard - next time maybe) - we shared a delicious feast of food and wine that everyone 'brought to the table'... we got the work 'gossip and angst' out of the way, chatted and laughed about everything and anything, and shared interesting snippets of each other's lives - we listened to music and danced (sorry Lil, you missed that) - everybody's so different - different ages, different lifestyles, different lives - but oh so interesting and amusing... such a pleasant way to 'while away' a saturday afternoon...

it was a bit of an introspective evening after everyone had gone though (no doubt thanks in part to the wine, the reminiscences and the music) - loneliness is a constant companion, but my babes help me through that - but depression was vying for attention and won for a while...

i had to shake off it's shackles on sunday before it dragged me down again...

it was such a bleak day outside - windy and wet - so i snuggled up on the couch with 'the gang' and spent some time on the computer learning how to use Audacity - a free, open source audio editor and recorder - perfect for podcasting - i so wish we (we in the work context) could use some of the open source stuff that's available!!! - i thought as one of the IT people that it would be handy to know what it's all about and how to actually make a podcast, because it makes sense to me that at some stage we should surely have our author talks available to those who can't make it into the library - we really need to start using the technology that's out there to reach a much wider audience... so much potential the mind boggles... but i'll be ready (sort of)!!!!



monday was a 'family day' - i had me mum, aunt and brother around for lunch - i've been promising them deep fried vegies for ages (they're easily pleased!!!) so finally got around to fulfilling that commitment... it's nice to see them - it's also nice to see them go - to reclaim allie's (she's still coping - no more distressing episodes - but she does have very little bladder control) and shadow's and my space again... but me mum's frailty is becoming more and more glaring - (she was exhausted after the walk from the tram stop to my place and that's not a long walk - it's getting harder and harder for her to walk any distance these days)... luckily darrell could drive them home... he brought around a "live at the chapel" dvd for me to watch - looking forward to that!!!



and now it's time to do 'some domestics' before my away from my old girl working week starts all over again... but i'll leave you with this youtube clip - an interesting blend of musical styles - Robert Plant (rock) and Alison Krauss (bluegrass) - it's grouse....

she bounces back...

just a quick update on Allie - it appears she may have (apart from old age) what's known as "estrogen responsive urinary incontinence" - very common in old spayed girls - and having once been a brood bitch in a puppy factory, and having had major surgery for a perineal hernia after her poor start to life, that no doubt makes her even more susceptible.

But after a real scare on thursday night, here she is today, checking out what's new in the courtyard - she might be blind and deaf, but she knows it's different somehow... it wasn't her time - this time... i can't help but wonder which one will outlive the other - me mum, or allie... they're both pretty much on par healthwise at the moment...

and here's the boy in his new 'outside house' - he's a 'gettin' into things' kinda boy, and there was no shelter for him in his 'yard' - so got me brother to take me to bunnings today - i could walk around there for hours - i was determined to find something for the boy and came across this pretty nifty piece of furniture - a timber rabbit hutch with a minor renovation... he loves it - maybe that's because he knows he'll never have to sleep outside in it... unless of course he doesn't come in before i have to go to work in the morning!!!

when is the right time to say goodbye?

how do i make the decision to end my loyal old friends life? dare I make that decision when she can't tell me if she's had enough? or am i scared to make that decision - for me, or her?


how will i cope without my most beautiful, best friend - the friend that's been through life's dramas with me - shared every day of our lives for the past 14 years? has always been there for me no matter what?



she had such a terrible night on thursday - she was so very distressed... i succumbed and gave her half a tranquilizer to help calm her... so potent - she just passed right out... and when she finally came round watching her trying to stand on her weak, wonky legs distressed me - it was so hard for her to even get up - my heart ached... i was sure the decision was made...

i spent the day with her yesterday just caressing her, massaging her, brushing her, singing to her (even though she's deaf)... it was a beautiful, sensual day with my beautiful, sensual babe...

and today she is calm, walking out into the courtyard, enjoying the sunshine, and life (in an elderly persons way) and just being her loving, ancient, wise, daggy-dog self...

i long for you to live forever -
i'm willing you pass peacefully in your sleep...
this week i may have to make the decision...
and then i'll deeply weep.

a heartfelt thank you Lil' for your most beautiful, caring post for my Allie and me... my friend, my sister... for sharon and allie...

walking backwards through time...

I just couldn't decide what to blog about today... life, politics, religion and social networking (which was in the news this morning - "The leader of the Roman Catholic Church in England and Wales has issued a dire warning to parents about social networking sites"... you can read more here) - but I thought I'd take you on a short stroll down 'my' (cobblestoned) memory lane - circa 1971...



I don't remember how it came about, but I was engaged at 16 - the who i remember, but as to the how, why and when - i just can't pinpoint those answers!


there's one thing i'm sure about though - james was my very first, full on 'all the way' sexual encounter - my first fuck - they say you remember your first taste of young hormonal lust!!!


I even remember where we 'did the deed' - a friends parents had gone away for the weekend - what good timing, and no better way to savour a new experience than in comfort! and safety!! and, luckily for me, he was an experienced, 'accomplished' lover - and that made for a very pleasurable 'deflowering' for this 'novice' - and played a role in my burgeoning appreciation of 'the sensual' and 'the sexual'...



but where did we meet????

I used to go to St Moritz ice skating rink - for some reason I was taking figure skating lessons - but the blades on the skates frightened the shit out of me - the image of falling and losing my fingers as someone skated over them haunted me - no, i really wasn't cut out to be a skater - what was I doing taking lessons - whose idea was that - me mums, or mine - I can't recall that either!!! - but James played ice hockey - could that be how we met??

now that was a frightening, dangerous 'game' - for both spectators and players!!! fancy having a contact sport where everyone was carrying a deadly weapon - and believe me, those sticks got used for more than hitting the puck with!!! let alone the puck whizzing passed your head at incredible speed (no barriers in those days!!!) freaky... but it does seem like the most likely place for us to have come in contact...


but no, i don't think that's the place - i was taking lessons when i was a lot younger... so the where still can't be answered!!!!


how long were we together??? another blank - couldn't have been more than 12 months - not even family can help out here - they don't remember either - we were obviously a memorable couple - appears we were never expected to 'last' - luckily they were right!!!


as they say, all good things come to an end...



eventually i discovered he'd been cheating on me - a lot... he'd also been lying about his age - he drove an fj holden when we met, so i (foolishly!!) trusted he was actually telling the truth about being old enough to drive - that would make him 18 at least - after "selling" the fj (turned out it wasn't even his!!) he then got himself a Sandman panel van - or shaggin' wagon as they were known then ("if it's a rockin', don't come a'knockin'" - ahh, the 70s - not exactly one of the intellectual catchcries of the era, but very popular amongst young men) - well, turned out he didn't even have a licence - he was only 16 too!!! lies, lies and more lies!!!



i did actually get the 'last laugh' so to speak... after we split up, James started going out with someone else in the same street i lived so the black Trans AM parked out the front of my place wouldn't have gone unnoticed - it belonged to my latest boyfriend - well, more like the latest carnal desire - hey, i was 17 now, and it was definitely the sexual 70s!!! - and he had the 'bad boy' image to go with the 'bad boy' car - the difference between the sandman panel van and the trans AM was a bit like the difference between James and Roy - one was a boy, and the other a man - who, coincidentally, also shared me dad's name - oooh, what did that mean??)


where was my journey leading... what was in store for me as I matured???


you might be interested to know that the engagement ring has become a 'family heirloom' - i never did give it back to james - he never asked for it... so i gave it to me mother - she'd never had a real diamond ring before so she really appreciated it... she's had it since 1972 and just passed it on to Rebbecca (her granddaughter, my niece) for her birthday this year - a tradition born!!!!!